Life With Dad:Laughing Through Dementia: Life With Dad: Until We Meet Again....

Life With Dad:Laughing Through Dementia: Life With Dad: Until We Meet Again....: This is a picture of Dad when he was a little tyke...wearing overalls....which is what he was wearing when he was laid to rest this pas...

Life With Dad: Until We Meet Again....

This is a picture of Dad when he was a little tyke...wearing overalls....which is what he was wearing when he was laid to rest this past week.  Yes, his body finally found rest on November 1, 2013, just before midnight.  He was surrounded by his four children when he took his last breath.  We were holding his hand and making sure that he knew we all loved him.

The last time I visited Dad in the nursing home, this is the only photo that I could bear to take.  Somewhere around Labor Day weekend, Dad had suffered another stroke and he had just continued to slip away little by little. First he had what we are sure was another mini stroke.  This affected his motor skills, which kept him from walking. 

This was take in 2009, which is just before he was diagnosed with Dementia.  It has been a slow progression, but eventually it took him away from us, first mentally and then physically. After the last stroke, Dad also had some problems with infections.  The first one was Clostridium Difficile, which is a stomach infection that is caused by antibiotics.  Dad had been on antibiotics for respiratory problems.  C diff is highly contagious if you come into contact with the feces, therefore the nurses and staff had to wear gowns and rubber gloves when dealing with Dad.  

Dad with Punky...while he was still at home.  After Dad was diagnosed with the c diff, he really never bounced back to the way we was.  The nurses even started to miss having him hang out around their station like he used to.  At the care plan meeting for Dad in September, we had started working on weaning him from some of his six anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medicines.  (TIP: make sure that all doctors who deal with your loved one are aware of medicines prescribed.) 

A picture of Dad and Mom when they went to see my brother, Jim and his family in Omaha.  From the left is: Natalie, Allie, Lynette, Jim, Sophia, Dad, Mom and Punky.  Eventually Mom and Dad couldn't travel because it would confuse Dad too much to be away from his normal surroundings.  

  

Here is Dad on his front porch....one of his favorite places to hang out while he was still at the house.  He was "supervising" my husband, Terry as he worked on putting together a Weber grill.  I can't even begin to guess at how many hours Dad spent out on that porch, watching the world go by. 

The day before Halloween, I received a call from one of the nurses at the nursing home.  She couldn't get in touch with my Mom, so she called me.  She told me that Dad was not breathing very well and had not been very responsive for several days. The nurse had a call into Dad's doctor so that they could take him to the Emergency Room at the hospital.  I called Mom to have her check in with the nursing home.  It wasn't long before the nurse called back to say that they were taking him to the hospital.  I called all of my siblings, and headed back to Kansas.  My two sisters and brother also began the trip back to Beloit.  By the time we got there, he had been admitted to the Acute Care area of the hospital.  His breathing was labored and he was on oxygen.  He was also diagnosed with Sepsis. It is a potentially life-threatening infection that occurs when chemicals released in the body to fight the infection triggers inflammation throughout the body. The inflammation can cause changes that damage multiple organs, causing them to fail.  He was hooked up to intravenous antibiotics and fluids to keep him hydrated.  My sisters, brother and I all spent Wednesday night in his hospital room with him.  On Thursday he did not improve, even though the blood work showed that the infection was clearing somewhat.  

Mom and I went to the last football game of my youngest son, Shayne, in Wakefield on Thursday.  Shayne actually came through town and had x-rays done on his leg from a football injury.  Since we were already at the hospital, Natalie and I went to the ER to visit with Shayne and then went back to stay with Dad. My other sister and my brother came back to his room later that night.  By Friday morning, his doctor visited with us to explain that although the infection appeared to be clearing up, Dad was not improving.  It was an agonizing decision to make, but Dad had already made that for us years ago when he signed a Do Not Resuscitate form.  We felt that Dad would not want to remain in his current condition at that point.  That was when they stopped giving him antibiotic and hydrating fluid.  Dad was receiving morphine about every two hours just to keep him comfortable. The hospital staff went above and beyond to accommodate Dad's wishes and to support us.  One young nurse even sang to Dad, which seemed to soothe him for just a short time. (TIP: know your loved ones wishes as far as resuscitating.  If they have the DNR order, make sure that the doctor, hospital and nursing home are all aware of it.)

  The pastor from Mom's church came to pray over Dad. One of my classmates also prayed with us over Dad.  He was never one to believe that he had to attend church services every week to prove that he believed.  We still felt that we should pray over him before his final breath. Other family members arrived to visit with Dad before something happened. 

My oldest daughter, Briana, dancing with her Grandpa Wayne at her wedding in 2008.  One of my favorite pictures of Dad...this was very out of character for him to dance.  Briana made it back to the hospital on Friday afternoon to see her Grandpa.  She also brought her three-year-old son, Tavian, to the hospital and he added smiles and joy to the situation.  My other daughter, Teah, also made it to the hospital to see her Grandpa.  Dad continued to rest during the day and into the night on Friday.  It was shortly after 11:30 p.m. when Dad had a tremor in his body.  We all gathered around him and held his hand.  It was hard to tell if he was still breathing, but the sweet nurse assured us that his heartbeat was weak, but still there.  It was a tender moment for me and my siblings as we stood around his bed and told him that it was okay to let go.  His official time of death was 11:44 p.m.

We spent the weekend getting everything arranged for his funeral, scheduled for Tuesday, November 5.  We went to the funeral home and picked out the perfect casket for someone who did woodworking for years....it was made of pine and had a simple design.  It was perfect for Dad.  He was wearing his overalls and a flannel shirt.  We also put a toothpick in his overalls pocket, and a TV remote in his hand.  Mom had always told him that she would bury him with a TV remote. The kindness bestowed upon our family after Dad passed was amazing, and our family truly appreciated the love shown to us. The interesting thing, considering Dad had always lived in Beloit, was that very few people in that small town realized that his real name was Stanley Wayne Hewitt. 

My last few tips for those who may see this coming in the future with your parents or loved ones are this: make sure that they have written down what their wishes are for their funeral, and even help them arrange as much as they can ahead of time.  Also, having the financial paperwork in order would be helpful.  My Dad became worried about Mom after he retired in 1995, so he took out several life insurance policies.  We also found some older policies that must have been surrendered at some point.  Some of his policies were with companies that were no longer in business.  One policy was taken out when he was 17 years old.  My Mom also had one that her parents had taken out on her when she was 11 years old.  It has taken lots of time spent searching and calling to see where they all stand. A listing of all current policies would help those are left behind.  

Although is has been bittersweet this past week since Dad passed away, I do know that he is finally at peace and is able to breath without struggling.  The emotions that a family experiences while watching their loved one in pain is not something that I would ever wish on anyone, but it is a part of life sometimes.  Knowing that my Dad is fishing with my brother Stub and my Grandpa Deiter puts a smile on my face....even if I do have tears as well.  I don't really want to say good-bye Dad....because I believe that I will see you again. <3

**I received a message from Mike Jordan, our neighbor when we lived on the farm.  He received information about this photo that I would like to share:

I sent the photo to Elva Tice and she sent this reply. The school was on the corner south of your farm, (SW Corner). Here's her reply:

L to R (back row) Elva Tice, Wayne Hewitt, Geraldine Hewitt L to R (front row) Betty McCune, Jerry Broadbent, Alice McCune, Larry Hewitt

The school is Iowa School, District 83 located 3/4 mile west of the Harry Tice farm in Mitchell County, Kansas. Lillian Wiser was the teacher. Wayne Hewitt graduated from the 8th grade to go to Beloit High school at the end of that school year. The next year, Geraldine and Elva graduated from 8th grade to go to Beloit High School which left only 4 students in the school for the coming year (the four on the front row). So, the Iowa School Board decided to close the school at the end of that school year. The school building was sold to Knott's Berry Farm who moved the building to California and it stands there still--the original building on their site is known as the Little Red School House (at least it was about 1974-75 when Keith and I visited there).

The contraption to the right is a small non-electric ferris wheel with 4 seats positioned on a wheel that is operated by the person sitting at ground level who kicks/pushes the ground really hard which propels the wheel to move. As each of the four persons reach the ground, he/she kicks/pushes again and the wheel moves round and round. The ferris wheel was a prize that the school won (don't know the year) as part of a contest. We won the second prize. I don't remember exactly what we sold, but I believe that we received coupons for the purchase of items (sorta like the Campbell Soup Labels work). Our school submitted the second highest number of labels....and we won the ferris wheel as a prize. You had to be really careful unloading the ferris wheel because if it was fully loaded and the person at ground level got out, the person at the top would come crashing down from that weight. Actually, we did that on purpose because it was fun to go so fast!!!

Good to know Pleasant View is still going strong. What a legacy!! I have so many memories there. If you need more stories, don't hesitate to ask!

Elva Tice Michal

Life With Dad:Laughing Through Dementia: Two Anniversaries

Life With Dad:Laughing Through Dementia: Two Anniversaries: As of September 11, 2013, Dad has been in the nursing home for a year.  I wish that I could say it has been smooth sailing and unev...

Two Anniversaries

As of September 11, 2013, Dad has been in the nursing home for a year.  I wish that I could say it has been smooth sailing and uneventful for him (and for the rest of us), but it hasn't.  Dementia continues to twist and change Dad into someone that I hardly recognize most of the time.  There are glimpses of him that appear every so often....but for the most part, this is not the same man that I grew up with.

The picture above shows Dad after one of his many haircuts that I have given him.  Every time I go to cut his hair he always asks me where the barber is....then I explain that I am the barber....then he asks me when I became a barber....we go through this same exchange EVERY TIME!!  He was also sporting a bruise and scrape on his head from taking a tumble outside.  Yes, he escaped and got outside where he tripped over the curb.  Luckily, he was not severely injured and the workers were able to help him up and bring him back inside.

He also had problems with Edema, or swelling of his legs with water retention because of congestive heart failure. Several times when I went to visit him, his legs would be like sausages....swollen and tight.   He was given Lasix to help with this problem, and was also to keep his feet up during the day more....unfortunately, he does not like to sit. It was also a problem to have him on that medication when he was already taking Risperidone, these two medicines should not be mixed.

Then it is believed by many who work there, and family members, that he has suffered another mini stroke (possibly more than one).  We really have no way of finding out for sure since a baseline MRI or CT Scan was never done (Dad was sedated and still panicked when it started so they didn't finish it).  Without that image of his brain from back when he was in the hospital in May of 2012, there isn't a way to compare it to his brain image now.  Therefore, putting him through that would be upsetting to him, and would still not really give us a clear picture as far as how much damage the stroke(s) have caused.  And even if we got the MRI or Scan completed and did find out he had suffered another mini stroke....what would they do for him??  That was the question that I posed to the staff during his latest "care plan" meeting.

During the meeting, it brings together a large number of the nursing home staff plus family members, and we discuss how he is getting along and what the plan is for him now.  Along with the stroke that is suspected, he also had an infection of what they thought was his bladder (couldn't get a UTI test done and they are still not sure) so he was given an antibiotic.  When that didn't seem to get him acting and feeling better, they switched to a different antibiotic and also gave him a steroid to give his system a boost to fight the infection. 

Unfortunately, sometimes when a patient is given several antibiotics a condition called Clostridium Difficile (Antibiotic Diarrhea) can occur.  It is called C Diff for short.  That is what Dad had recently. Treatment requires an additional antibiotic to kill the disease bacteria so the healthy bacteria can return. Most often Flagyl (metonidazole) and Vancocin (vancomycin) are used. It usually takes 3-5 days to see improvement, and complete relief of symptoms should result by the end of the 10th day of treatment.  It is very common in nursing home patients, and there is a 20% chance that he will get it again.  It is just part of the "nature of the beast" when you are dealing with so many different health issues....when you treat one issue, you may cause something new to flare up.  It always seems that when he is treated for one thing, something else happens.

It has gotten to the point where Dad refuses to wear his upper dentures (hasn't worn the lower ones since before he went into the nursing home) and most times he doesn't even have his glasses on.  He is also on a soft diet since he doesn't have his teeth in.  He still likes to chat when we go to see him, unfortunately it is sometimes difficult to understand what he is saying.  Even when we do understand what he says, it doesn't always make sense.

(Dad sitting on the tire fender, with his dad and I am not sure who the other man is.)

The last time they came in to check his cognitive skills, he was asked what year it is....he was pretty sure that it is 2024 or 2025.  This is confusing to me, since most of the time he is still in the past.  Last week when I talked to him he told me that he had bad news....we wouldn't be able to find fuel for the Oldsmobile any longer.  When I asked Mom if they ever had an Oldsmobile, she couldn't remember that they did.  He must have been back when he was with his parents.  

I have chosen not to take more pictures of him at this point now.  I do want to share some of the pictures that always remind me of how he still is in my mind.

This is at Teah's 8th Grade Graduation.  This is how I want to remember Dad.  I want to remember that smile and the quick wit that he had.  He still has some of his wit, but even it is not quite the same. 

For those who have family members that are in the early stages of Dementia or Alzheimer's....ENJOY them now!! It is a slow-moving process, but eventually you realize that your loved one has been replaced and it is almost as if a stranger has inhabited their body.  Stay involved in their care and make sure that you are aware of their medications. At the last care plan meeting we discovered that Dad was still on five different anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medicines.  He was prescribed some by his doctor, and some by a psychiatrist we took him to at the Special Care Unit.  There was a breakdown in communication between the two doctor offices, and that is how he was prescribed so many medicines.  We are hoping to slowly wean him off of a few of them now since he isn't as active.  He is in a wheelchair now.  He can stand with help and is receiving some physical therapy, but he is pretty weak at this point.  

My advice is to STAY INVOLVED in their care.  Have their medicines evaluated once every three months or so. Listen to the caregivers at the nursing home facility since they are with your loved one more than you are.  Because they are giving the care and dealing with your loved one through this difficult time, they become like a part of your family.  Appreciate them for the job that they do with your loved one.  I appreciate the workers and staff members that truly care for Dad and want what is best for him.  It was good to hear that even though they would sometimes get irritated with him hanging out by the nurses station constantly (and thinking he was working---even answering the phone at times).....they were kind of missing him now that he has been under the weather! 

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to Mom and Dad on October 3!  Mom has been so good to Dad through almost 60 years of marriage.  She continues that care by going to visit him almost every day, and staying involved in his care. It has been quite difficult for her to see him go down this path, but her faith keeps her strong through it all.  I admire and love my Mom for her strength and her faith!  Even though she is small in stature, she is HUGE in compassion, love and faith!

Dad Continues His Pace

Dad has been in the nursing home since last September.  He celebrated his 80th birthday there in February of this year, and for the most part, he continues to stay pretty stable.  Occasionally, he has to have his medications adjusted, but we are told that is a normal part of the process. He has a semi annual checkup, and if the staff feels that there is a need for him to be looked at before his appointment, then they call Mom and schedule it. This picture was taken on one of the days where I went there to cut his hair.  He always appreciates his hair cuts!

Here he is shown "at work" at the nurses station, visiting with my brother, Jim.  His years of working at the city power plant has Dad thinking that he is still "working".  He will sometimes answer the phone when none of the nurses are around.  One day the nurses called over to the clinic to get results they had been waiting on from a patient's tests....they were told that a male nurse had answered and they had given him the results.  Guess who that male nurse was?  Wayne.  And he will go around shutting the lights off and closing doors in the hallway.  All in day's work.

 This is a picture of my Dad (on the right) with his dad, Harold Hewitt, probably during harvest.  Interestingly enough, Dad has almost forgotten that he ever lived in our house in town, the one we moved to in 1971 (approximately).  He still thinks that we live on the farm that he grew up on.  We lived there until I was in Fifth Grade and then we moved to town.  Once in awhile he will ask me to call Grandma Hewitt, and then I have to explain that she has been gone since 1987.  One day he wanted to talk with her to ask her a question.  I told him that was going to be a little bit "difficult", and he asked me why.  I told him that she was gone...and he replied, "Well, that saves that argument then!"

Here is Dad in his younger days, standing in front of the farm house that he grew up in.  I grew up there until I was almost 10.  The house is still standing, but is not in very good shape.

Apparently this is where my brothers and I acquired our love of riding farm animals. Dad on one of their sheep when he was younger. My brothers and I used to try and ride the pigs, sneaking up on them while they were sleeping...then trying to ride as long as possible.  

This is a picture of my Dad and his parents taken at the farm, since I see the barn in the background.  His dad died suddenly of a heart attack in his mid-50's, and his mother, Gladys, passed away in 1987 from Parkinson's.  It is always wise for you to know your family medical history.

This is Dad when he was a toddler on the farm.  Still has that serious look on his face....like he is "working".  I love these old pictures.

I am  hoping that possibly some of the people in Beloit who attended Beloit High School in the late 40's and early 50's with Dad will know the other two people in this photo.  Dad is on the far left with the plaid jacket on (very stylish)...and I do not know the woman and other man.  They are in front of the old high school on Mill Street.

This one had the date of April 19, 1946 written on the back.  Teacher was Miss Lillian Wiser.  Pupils were Geraldine Hewitt, Larry Hewitt, Alice McCune, Betty McCune, Jerry Broadbent, Elva Tice and Wayne Hewitt (he is the middle in the back row).  I am not sure where the school was, but the Labon School was near the farm.  I attended there for one year before they closed it down and we went to Beloit to school.

This is how I find Dad some (many) days when I go up there.  He may be taking a nap...and the nurses appreciate it when I do NOT wake him up!!  He has escaped a few more times....once he fell and hit his head on the cement.  For the most part, he has been cooperating with the staff.  Sorry about the trip down memory lane with the older pictures, but they were too precious not to share.  I will update this blog again soon. Thank you for reading and for supporting.  If you  know someone who has a parent or relative with Dementia or Alzheimer's...just be there for them.  Sometimes you just need to listen to them, and sometimes they just need a hug.  It is not an easy path for the patient, or the family.  It is a difficult journey.....and everyone handles it in different ways.  I use laughter most of the time....and the other days I use tears.  No matter how you choose to deal with it...it is YOURS, and  no one can tell you the correct way.  Patience and love is a must....but the rest of the journey is personal.

Life With Dad:Laughing Through Dementia: Life With Dad: Happy 80th Birthday

Life With Dad:Laughing Through Dementia: Life With Dad: Happy 80th Birthday: As Dad always said....the two Founding Fathers (George Washington and him) were born on the same day...February 22!! Dad celebrates 8...

Life With Dad: Happy 80th Birthday

As Dad always said....the two Founding Fathers (George Washington and him) were born on the same day...February 22!! Dad celebrates 80 years on this earth today!  When we walked in the nursing home, this is how he looked...his legs were itchy for some reason.  I am not sure why his one slipper is off??   He apparently was awake until about 3 a.m. the night before his birthday!!  The nurses said that he was wandering around in the wee hours in his long underwear!!  We sang Happy Birthday to him, and he even sang along!!

The photo above shows him after the first haircut that I gave him in the nursing home.  I went up this week on Wednesday and gave him a new haircut so he would look "spiffy" for his big day....

...the finished product...with a smile! (and I notice that he has the same flannel shirt on in each haircut picture!)  He told me that the last time I cut his hair he received lots of compliments.  Sometimes his short-term memory causes him trouble, but he did tell my sister and brother-in-law that I had promised to cut it again soon.  When I went to write the date on the calendar that we cut his hair (he likes to see how long he goes in between haircuts), I also wrote his birthday on the calendar.  He asked me what I had written on there and I explained that I added his birthday, but he didn't know when it was, and he didn't remember how old he was going to be.

This is the look before the haircut the first time I cut it for him.  I didn't have the clippers with me, so I had to do the best that I could with scissors only.  I have cut his hair three times so far.  One time he had it cut by a stylist who comes to the nursing home and the cost was ten dollars.  Now when I cut it for him, he always asks me how much it will be and explains that he doesn't have any money to pay me.  You have to understand that Dad used to always have his wallet with him, and carried two fifty dollar bills and some other cash.  Now he keeps telling my Mom that he needs cash in his wallet, which he loses every other day!  She finally photocopied a twenty dollar bill on both sides and gave it to him to keep in his wallet since one of the nurses told us that he borrowed some money from another resident.  We don't really want him to have money while he is in the nursing home. Tip #1: Check with the facility about their policy for having money and valuables.  For our family, there were many reasons that we didn't think he needed to carry money.  Obviously, since he can't remember where he places things, we knew it would get lost eventually.  Also, one evening Dad escaped by walking out of one of the doors and was picked up by some man.  When Dad couldn't give him the address of where he lived, the man took him to the police station.  The nursing home had already called the police to alert them. Now he has to wear a bracelet with his name and the address of the facility on it.  He cut the first one off, so they took his pocket knife away from him.  It was scary to think about him wandering around outside without a jacket when it was cold outside, plus having some stranger pick him up.

This shows Dad asleep in his chair with Punky.  We had to take him for a consultation with a Special Care Specialist to adjust his medicines.  For a while, Dad was suffering from severe "sundowners", which means that when the sun goes down, he would become more agitated and confused.  There are many theories as to why this occurs, these are some explanations according to an Alzheimer's website: 

Common Sundowner's Triggers

• End-of-day activity (at a care facility). Some researchers believe the flurry of activity toward the end of the day as the facility's staff changes shifts may lead to anxiety and confusion.
• Fatigue. End-of-day exhaustion or suddenly the lack of activity after the dinner hour may also be a contributor.
• Low light. As the sun goes down, the quality of available light may diminish and shadows may increase, making already challenged vision even more challenging.
• Internal imbalances.Some researchers even think that hormone imbalances or possible disruptions in the internal biological clock that regulates cognition between waking and sleeping hours may also be a principle cause.
• Winter. In some cases, the onset of winter's shorter days exacerbates sundowning, which indicates the syndrome may have something to do with Seasonal Affective Disorder, a common depression caused by less exposure to natural sunlight.
  
  
  
  
  
  Here Dad is asleep in a chair out in the central seating area while petting my dog, Monroe.  The medicine adjustment made him more "relaxed" in the afternoons and just before the sun goes down.  The nurses said that after about two weeks, they could see that he had calmed down. Tip #2: You need to keep track of their medicines, as they may need to be adjusted periodically.   We have had to get his adjusted several times since he went into the nursing home.
  
  
  
  
  
  Dad and his buddy, Jerry, recently enjoyed some Girl Scout Cookies.  I took them up to Dad and he immediately grabbed the box and opened them, and then wanted me to help open one package.  They ate one whole section just before dinner!!  Have I mentioned how much my Dad loves cookies??  Hope that you all have a wonderful weekend and stay safe!  And happy birthday, Dad, love you!! 

Life With Dad:Laughing Through Dementia: Life With Dad: Adjustments....

Life With Dad:Laughing Through Dementia: Life With Dad: Adjustments....: This is the alarm that Dad had attached to him when he first went into the nursing home.  Since he was extremely "active" and mobile, t...

Life With Dad: Adjustments....

This is the alarm that Dad had attached to him when he first went into the nursing home.  Since he was extremely "active" and mobile, they would attach this to him so that when he would get up out of his chair, the alarm would sound and they would know that he was "on the prowl"!  Dad became wheelchair-bound after about five days in the nursing home due to over-medication.  He had physical therapy until he could get strength back in his legs. 

This would be the bag of peanut M&M's that Dad kept in his pocket!!  Proof that they WILL melt if you keep them in a warm place.  He loves sweets and would put them in his overall pockets.  He actually did eat these even though they were a little bit melted.  He carries many things in his overall pockets....flashlights, wallet, sweets, knife, and whatever he else he hasn't misplaced somewhere!

Once a loved one with dementia is admitted to a nursing home, it is a continual battle of getting medications adjusted, and also getting the loved one used their new surroundings.  With the memory problems that come with dementia, we found it easier to just agree with Dad when he would talk about things.  He still thought he was in the hospital and that the doctor would be in to tell him that he could go home.  We used that to our advantage by telling him that when the doctor said he was "okay" to go home, then he would get out.  My Mom had a hard time telling him these little "white lies" at first.  I had to remind her that he most likely would not remember what she told him anyway.  This picture shows Dad in the second room that he has occupied. They moved him closer to the nurses station so that they could keep a closer eye on him.

Notice in the picture above how his mouth on the left side turns downward?  The doctor was certain that Dad had suffered some mini-strokes, although we never got the MRI done on his brain to prove that.  They tried to sedate him due to his anxiety, but even with sedation he became too anxious to finish the MRI.  Some of the medications that he takes have a risk of causing mini-strokes, but they also help with his anxiety and agitation.

This shows Mom at the ballgame of my oldest son, Alex, on the night that Dad became so disoriented and agitated while she was gone.  It was hard for Mom to really enjoy the game because of her concern for her husband.  This was taken on Saturday, and on Monday we took him to the hospital, and on Tuesday he was admitted to the nursing  home.  Tip #1: check with your parents to see if they have purchased nursing home insurance.  Fortunately, my parents had invested in a policy when they were in their 50's, and it was a great investment.  Once my Dad went into the nursing home, Mom didn't have to pay the premium any longer.  The majority of the monthly cost is paid by this insurance.  This has been a huge relief for my Mom.  The first few months we did check through the billing from the nursing home to make sure that there weren't any unnecessary charges (and that did pay off since we did find a few mistakes).  I am not saying that they intentionally added extra charges, but just like any bill you receive, you should check it for accuracy.

This picture shows Dad playing with a strap from his wheelchair lift.  These types of things would keep him "occupied" when he could not walk around.  There were times when we went to see him and he thought that his wheelchair was his mower.  One time I had to pretend to plug in the charging cord from his electric razor into his wheelchair as the battery charger for his mower!  Anything to keep him satisfied.

Once you get a loved one put into a nursing home, it doesn't mean that you do not have to worry about them any more.  Above you see my Mom, sister Robin, and me with our gowns on when the nursing home thought that Dad had Scabies.  Scabies is a very itchy skin condition that it caused by mites, and skin-to-skin contact from someone who is already infected.  Dad was tested and after the doctor confirmed the diagnosis, he was confined to his room.  When we went in to see him, we had to wear the gowns and latex gloves.  He was not allowed to leave his room except to take a bath and then a prescription lotion was applied to his body and left on for about eight hours.  This was done twice during his isolation time.  He became extremely bored during this week, as he was used to roaming around the facility.

Next up....a rash on his leg!  We never really found the culprit for this one...best anyone could decide was that the detergent irritated his skin from his socks.  So, a reminder to you all....just because they are not at home any longer does not mean that you can relax!  My Mom receives calls quite often that Dad has taken a tumble and scraped up his knees or was not actually injured, but he continues to fall periodically.  It is always a little bit frightening when you see on the caller ID that it is the nursing home.  My poor Mom....it used to be worrying about getting that late night phone call about her kids, and now it is concern about getting the call about her mom or her husband in the nursing home.  I will leave you with a video of Dad out imitating the ducks at the nursing home.  Thank you for following and supporting my family in this journey.

Life With Dad:Laughing Through Dementia: Life With Dad: Into the Nursing Home...

Life With Dad:Laughing Through Dementia: Life With Dad: Into the Nursing Home...: Trying to make the final decision as to  when to place a loved one in a nursing home can be an agonizing one for many people.  This...

Life With Dad: Into the Nursing Home...

Trying to make the final decision as to when to place a loved one in a nursing home can be an agonizing one for many people.  This one was taken out of Mom's hands when Dad had his night of confusion and delusions.  He became agitated and belligerent with my husband while Mom and I had left to go to a ballgame.  After observing him at the hospital for one night, his doctor arranged for him to be taken from the hospital to the nursing home to alleviate any more confusion for him.   Mom and I went to the facility to fill out the appropriate paperwork to get him admitted, and made arrangements for moving his lift chair into his room.  My daughter and I took the chair apart and hauled it to the nursing home, and they helped with moving it in and putting it back together.  Dad spent his first night there on September 11, 2012.  The picture above shows him on the first day he arrived.  He is with his oldest granddaughter and her two boys, plus his wife.  We gathered up some of his favorites things from home, pictures and a few other items to put around in his room so that he would feel more comfortable there. This is a very painful adjustment in one's life, and we wanted to make it as easy as we could for Dad.

This picture shows my Dad in the background asleep in his wheelchair, and my Grandma in the foreground, also asleep.  Did I forget to mention that my Mom has her mother AND her husband in the same nursing home now?  My Grandma turned 101 years old last July!  She has been in the nursing home for almost 10 years now.  My Dad didn't really comprehend that he was at the same place as his mother-in-law.  He used to go there with my Mom to visit her and would tease her all of the time.  Dad thought he was still at the hospital.  When he saw a calendar in his room and he read the name of the nursing home at the top...he looked at me and asked me where that place was.

Here he is standing at the nurse's station "checking things out".  He liked to hang out where the action was. Now...let me give you a HUGE piece of advice for getting a loved one settled into a nursing home....MAKE SURE THAT YOU CHECK THE MEDICATIONS LIST THAT THE FACILITY HAS FOR YOUR FAMILY MEMBER!!  Here is what happened to Dad: when he was admitted to the nursing home, he was walking and moving around without the aid of a walker or wheelchair.  The facility got his medication record from the local pharmacy and that is what they started administering to him.  By the fifth day or so, he became very lethargic and could not talk very well.  He also had trouble even feeding himself at meals.  Eventually my Mom thought to ask the nurse for a med list to see what he had been given, and then she discovered the problem.  My Mom was not giving him several of the medications that were listed, or she was giving him lower doses.  One medicine, Ativan, she had tried while he was still at home, but it had adverse affects for Dad.  He had not been taking that one at home, and yet the facility was giving it to him three times a day!  We did some medication adjustments and then he gained awareness back.  Then he faced the problem of weakness in his legs, due to not walking for three or four days.  They had to use a lift to get him in and out of bed or to the bathroom, and he was confined to a wheelchair until the physical therapy got the strength back in his legs.

This is a picture that shows him after he was able to move his feet again. At first he could not even lift his feet to put them on the foot rests.  Eventually he was able to move his feet to push the wheelchair around without having to be pushed, but at the beginning he had to be wheeled from place to place. It was a process that took several weeks to gain back what he had lost.  This is why I warn you to check with the facility to see what medications the pharmacy or doctor have on record!

Remember, this is what he looked like when he first went into the nursing home.  He is with my oldest daughter and her two boys.  Physically, he was doing well and had no need for assistance when it came to walking.  After the medication mix-up, he had to get his strength back up in his legs.  He also could not get in and out of bed by himself, therefore the facility had to charge more each day to use the lift to help him with bathroom time and bedtime.  It was a very frustrating and challenging time for everyone.  Once the medication was straightened out, Dad started enjoying some of the facility activities again.  For a man who didn't used to enjoy music that much, he actually seemed to enjoy going to the music programs.  He also seemed to appreciate having people around to talk to and joke with.  When he was at home, he didn't get out around people a lot, unless he went to a ballgame or to a doctor's appointment.  He liked teasing all of the workers who came in to help him...he even thought that one of them was my brother, Stub, who passed away in 2003!  This guy would go along with my Dad calling him "Stub" and would even answer him appropriately.

 This picture shows Dad in his new private room.  He started out in a semi-private room without a roommate, but his room was located at the far end of the hallway.  Eventually, the facility asked if he would like to be moved to a private room which had just opened up, that was also closer to the nurses station.  He required more assistance when he became wheelchair-bound, so it helped the nurses to have him where they could keep an eye on him easier.  My final piece of advice for this installment:  Please communicate with the primary caregiver (which is usually the spouse) and make sure that they are NOT wearing themselves out by taking care of the person with Dementia!!  My Mom did an amazing job of taking care of my Dad while he was at home....and it IS a tough decision to make.  Sometimes the caregiver will feel too guilty to make that choice, even though it may be in the best interest of both involved.  Once he was in the facility and my Mom had time to relax at home, she commented several times about how she wasn't aware of the toll it had taken on her.  She was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes while he was still at home.  Please make sure that you DO NOT overlook the caregiver, while you are focusing on getting the best help for the one with dementia.  Here is an article that may give you some insight:

http://www.alz.org/care/alzheimers-dementia-healthy-caregiver.asp

  

In the next installment I will talk about more challenges that Dad faced once he went into the facility, and hopefully give you some tips to make the process easier on the family.  I also want to point out that by telling you these tips and talking about our experience---I am in NO WAY blaming the facility or any of the workers there.  I feel that they are caring individuals who are trying to make this life transition easy on my Dad, but these are issues that happened to him, and most likely could happen to anyone.  I give a huge THANK YOU to all who work with and care for the elderly population!!  Have a great week everyone!