Life With Dad:Laughing Through Dementia: Life With Dad: Decisions, Decisions...

Life With Dad:Laughing Through Dementia: Life With Dad: Decisions, Decisions...: This is a picture showing my Dad on the day that we moved him into the nursing home.  He is smiling because I am taking his picture wit...

Life With Dad: Decisions, Decisions...

This is a picture showing my Dad on the day that we moved him into the nursing home.  He is smiling because I am taking his picture with his oldest granddaughter Briana, and her two boys, Tavian and Breckin. It was September 11 of this year....but let me go back to what led up to that decision, as well as give you a few tips and some background information on Dementia.

There were many decisions that needed to be made after Dad spent a week in the hospital in May after falling several times.  One decision occurred before he left the hospital.  My parents had two vehicles, a full-sized GMC truck and a compact-sized car.  The truck caused problems for Dad due to his failing vision.  Several times he ran into the side of the garage when he would be pulling it inside (and he used duct tape to hold the trim in place).  My Mom felt that the truck was too large, and that the car was too low to the ground.  What she had really been wanting was a smaller-sized truck.  We took her to the local car dealership (the same one that they had been dealing with for decades) to see what kind of a vehicle they could find her.  Lo and behold...they had a shiny red truck on the lot that fit her description! This was the first new vehicle that she had ever purchased because Dad always insisted that they buy a good USED vehicle.  It took some prodding and encouragement from a few family members...but she finally agreed to it.  I remember when we brought it home...Mom was excited, but also nervous about what Dad's reaction would be.  She made me drive it to their house. Dad came out and said, "That isn't new, is it?"   I told him that it was, and he told me that it had better be used (it did have about 13 miles on it....so technically....it was!). It was hard for Dad to adjust....especially to the idea that he was NOT going to get to drive it...which was a HUGE battle!  He kept insisting that until the doctor told him that he wasn't to drive, he was fine to drive around town.  It was a source of concern for our family. He was scary to ride with, and we tried to keep him from driving as much as we could, until the doctor did finally tell him in August that he was no longer allowed to drive.

This is him holding their dog, Punky, during his first ride in the new truck.  Don't be deceived by the smile...as soon as I took the picture he began grumbling about the new vehicle and not getting to drive it....just once!  He also kept insisting that they needed a second vehicle....what would happen if she had trouble with the truck and he needed to come and get her??  No matter how hard we tried to explain what OnStar was in a vehicle...his mind just couldn't wrap around that one (not surprised given that he didn't understand how automatic headlights worked either!). He kept telling my Mom (and anyone who would listen) that he was going to call the car dealership and have them start looking for a used car for him.  [Tip #1:  make phone calls to places that your loved one called frequently and explain to them what the situation is.  I had to call the car dealership and the implement dealer that Dad had purchased his mower from.]  This gave us some peace of mind to know that at least even if he DID call them....they knew to agree with him or distract him.  Living in a small town helped out in this area, but if he had lived in a larger city, the same tip would apply.  [Tip #2: visit with your neighbors and explain the situation as well. They can keep an eye out in case the loved one takes a fall outside, or they see them doing something unusual.]

After Dad came home from the hospital in May, he continued to stay at home for about three-and-a-half months.  Mom would take care of him to the best of her ability, while continuing her daily activities.  [Tip #3: when the primary caregiver has to start giving up their daily activities, it may be time to find another option.  The  primary caregiver can become exhausted and wear themselves out, causing health problems of their own.]  My Mom was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes during the time that she was taking care of Dad.  Stress had taken a toll on her.  I have also heard of the caregiver spouse having heart problems or other health issues made worse because of taking care of the loved one with Dementia. 

The summer passed without too many mishaps with Dad.  His short-term memory continued to be a problem throughout the summer.  When school started, we took him to a couple of football games to watch his grandson play.  He sat in the vehicle to watch the games.  The turning point came on a Saturday night while Mom and I had gone to watch the older grandson's college football game.  My husband, Terry, stayed behind to stay with Dad so that we could enjoy the game.  Without Mom there, he became very disoriented and wanted to get his jacket on to go and help his parents.  His parents have been gone for decades now.  Dad became agitated with my husband for not letting him leave.  Terry called me and had my Mom call home to explain to Dad that he was at his home and to just go to bed.  When the phone rang, Dad confused the TV remote as the telephone and missed the call.  Mom left a message on their answering machine, and when Dad heard her voice in the kitchen, he went out there.  When my husband explained that it was the answering machine, Dad insisted that he had talked "face to face" with his wife.  Mom did call back and speak to Dad and told him that he was at his own house and he needed to go to bed.  He went into his bedroom, but then got confused and couldn't find the door to get back out.  Then he went around the house turning on all of the water faucets so that the pipes wouldn't freeze (it was September).  Finally, he then went and turned on the shower and when my husband asked him what he was doing, he responded that he was "releasing the water pressure".  Dad worked at the power plant for many years,and apparently thought he was back at work. He finally did settle down, but he had worn out my husband by that time!  The next decision was whether to take him to the hospital that night, or wait until the next day, which would be a Sunday.  My Mom worked at the hospital for many years so she knew the routine there.  She decided that we should wait until Monday and call his regular doctor's office instead of take the chance of getting the "on call" doctor.  When I called on Monday, the nurse said to take my Dad to the ER.  The doctor admitted him to the Observation Unit for the night. [Tip #4: always keep a CURRENT and ACCURATE list of ALL medications and/or supplements that your loved one takes.]  They watched Dad all night on the medications that he normally takes.  While he was there, he saw the TV cord unroll and roll back up on the wall, and many other hallucinations.  The next morning, the doctor advised that he would arrange for Dad to get into the nursing home. Mom and Dad had purchased nursing home insurance several years ago, and it would prove to come in very handy.  The doctor diagnosed Dad with Vascular Dementia. A question that I have been asked many times since Dad's diagnosis is: What is the difference between Alzheimer's and Dementia?  Alzheimer's is actually a type of Dementia.  And Vascular Dementia is caused by Strokes, or a series of mini-strokes.  Rather than try to explain what this is to you, I have included this excerpt from a website: 

[Vascular dementia is the second most common form of dementia, according to the Alzheimer's Association. Like other forms of dementia, vascular dementia affects the elderly, particularly people between the ages of 60 and 75. The National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke (NINDS) notes that men have vascular dementia more often than women. The patient has a decline in cognitive functions as a result of a disrupted blood flow in the brain. Helpguide.org notes that a series of small strokes causes the most common type of vascular dementia, multi-infarct dementia. The inadequate blood flow damages the brain cells.

Cognitive Symptoms

A patient with vascular dementia may have memory problems, which affects his ability to recall stored memories, form new memories or both. The Alzheimer's Association notes that the severity and type of memory loss depend on the location of the damage in the brain. For example, damage to the hippocampus, the part of the brain that converts short-term memories into long-term memories, prevents the patient from storing new memories. A doctor can detect the area of the brain damaged by using a brain scan, such as an MRI or CT scan. The patient may also have concentration problems and difficulty following directions. Confusion may also occur, which worsens at night, according to the Alzheimer's Association. Other cognitive problems with vascular dementia include difficulty planning and language problems.Movement Problems

Vascular dementia also affects the patient's ability to move. For example, the patient may experience sudden weakness. The weakness can occur in the patient's arm or leg. Helpguide.org notes that when the patient moves, he may walk with rapid, shuffling steps. The patient may also slur his speech when he talks. The Alzheimer's Association adds that the movement problems, combined with the cognitive decline, cause the patient to have problems taking care of herself.

Other Symptoms

Helpguide.org states that vascular dementia causes abnormal behavior in the patient. For example, the patient may cry or laugh at inappropriate times. The patient may also wander or get lost easily, even in places he knows well. Other symptoms of vascular dementia include a loss of bowel or bladder control, dizziness and difficulty managing money. The NINDS adds that the problems managing money affects the patient's ability to complete monetary transactions appropriately: she might, for instance, overpay for an item.

Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/109921-symptoms-vascular-dementia/#ixzz2EJjaRysv]

 According to medical evidence, dementia--symptoms of cognitive and behavioral impairment--can be brought on by some medications, health conditions such as lung disease, and diseases. (Dad has had difficulties with his lungs due to years of smoking and then working in his workshop and inhaling wood dust.)  The Merck Manual notes that the most common cause is Alzheimer's disease, which accounts for 75 percent of dementia cases.  Other than Stroke (Vascular), Lewy Bodies, Huntington's Disease, Parkinson's Disease (my Dad's mother passed away from this), and Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease can cause dementia in people. There is also Mixed Dementia, which has abnormalities from more than one type of dementia occurring, most commonly from Alzheimer's and Vascular Dementia. I believe that Dad has Mixed Dementia.  Here is a link that tells you 10 signs to watch for Alzheimer's:
10 Signs to Watch to Alzheimer's

Dad in his lift chair on his first day  in the nursing home.  Physically, he was in fairly good shape, just very confused.  Next time I will  talk about the process of getting someone admitted into a nursing home, and tips to keep in mind.  I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas!

Life With Dad:Laughing Through Dementia: Life With Dad: The First Signs...

Life With Dad:Laughing Through Dementia: Life With Dad: The First Signs...: Let's go back to the time before the Dementia began to affect my Dad.  This is a rare photo for our family....one where Dad is in it wi...

Life With Dad: The First Signs...

Let's go back to the time before the Dementia began to affect my Dad.  This is a rare photo for our family....one where Dad is in it with us.  He didn't usually like to be involved in the picture taking.  This appears to be somewhere in the mid 1960's when we still lived on a farm south of town.  We moved into town on Dad's birthday in 1972.  It has been over 40 years that my parents have lived in the same house.  This became a place of comfort for my Dad throughout the years.  This is also where the decline in his mental health began to surface.  It has been approximately three or four years (somewhere around 2009 or so) since the doctors first mentioned the term "dementia" to my Mom when Dad went for checkups.

This was before the dementia had even entered into our world.  Dad is helping great-grandson Gavin with his shoes.  This type of task would be very simple and easy for Dad to do...before the decline.  He has never been one that would cook a full meal, but he could help with simple food preparation, such as microwaving something.  Dad would do the mowing of the yard, place bird food outside (he was especially fond of putting out grape jelly that attracted the Orioles), help place the trash out on trash day, simple home repairs (which usually involved a trip to the local Ace Hardware store for duct tape, batteries and super glue), tended a prolific garden each year, kept the yard watered on a specific schedule, washed vehicles each week (this is how I would get my car washed...parking it in his driveway), sat on the porch to watch the world go by, and solved millions of crossword puzzles.  This is just a small list of what Dad was responsible for while he was still at home.  He enjoyed being helpful to everyone, especially his family. 

This is during our annual family Christmas gathering that we always held at Mom and Dad's house.  This photo shows Dad sitting with my brother, Stub (Steve), who passed away unexpectedly in May of 2003 from a rare blood disorder. His passing at the young age of 43 was quite a shock for our whole family, and I remember Dad telling me that he never figured that he would have to bury one of his own children.  I think that the loss affected him more than he would ever talk about.

A picture of Mom and Dad...I am not sure of the year for this one.  It is how I remembered them for many years.  Looking back, there were many signs that we really didn't pay attention to....we just considered it a sign of getting older.  And I caution anyone reading this to not panic because they have experienced this themselves, or witnessed it from a loved one.  Being forgetful can have many causes, but Dad's continued to increase and become more problematic.  First we noticed that he would forget where he had put things, such as losing keys for the vehicles or the house.  There are some sets of keys that my Mom has STILL not located!  He always had to have a flashlight with him (usually carried in his overalls) and he would misplace them constantly...and then expect my Mom to know where it was!  Then he began to get mixed up on family members' names, where they lived, and where his grandkids lived.  He was always asking "what's on the agenda for the day", and despite telling him what we had planned....half an hour later he would ask the same question again.  Many times I would tell him that we were going to watch one of his grandson's ballgames and he would ask where it was, when it was, what time we were leaving, etc....and when we would get in the vehicle to leave he would ask where we were going.  It became frustrating for us to answer the same questions over and over....and for a while it even frustrated him since he could still remember that he had already asked the question.  He also asked many "generic" questions, such as "What's the price of gas where you are?" or "How's the weather your way?"  He would also use sarcastic or humorous answers to questions that he most likely had no idea how to answer accurately.  A HUGE problem for Dad came in something that most men can't live without....the TV remote!!  It got so confusing for him on which buttons to push and even simply turning it on and off.  If we had a dollar for each time that we had to "fix" the TV after he had messed it up....needless to say, we could retire by now!  He would always blame it on the TV not working right.  And we all searched for a TV remote that would be easier for him to run, but they just don't exist anymore.  Traveling became an interesting endeavor with Dad too.  He would sit in the passenger seat (sometimes trying to say that he didn't really want to drive anyway) and proceed to tell you how fast to go, where to turn, watch the speedometer, and push on his "invisible" brake on the passenger seat!  Even when we were traveling through areas that he had seen most of his life he would comment that he didn't think he'd ever been there before.  One weekend, my husband Terry and I took him for a drive and went by our old farmstead out in the country, which he really enjoyed going to see.  When I took him to a doctor's appointment the next day, he turned to me while we were in the waiting room and said, "I sure would like to get out to see the old farm one of these days."  For our family, one of the biggest signs that he was having difficulties with his memory arose from one of his most treasured possessions....his John Deere mower.

He was very proud of this mower and he had owned it for many years.....taking his weekly ride on it to mow his yard in nice weather.  The problem came in that he would forget how to get it started.  He would attempt to fire up the motor...and when that didn't work, he would hook it up to the battery charger thinking that the battery was dead.  After a few hours, he would go back out to try...still wouldn't start.  Then he would call the man that sold it to him at the local implement dealer.  This poor guy would drive over....go into the garage....push in the clutch and turn the key....and magically it would start!  It got to where we would always have to ask him if he pushed the clutch in....but usually it would be too late by that time, as I think he had Carrico Implement's phone number memorized!  I can recall at least three times (that I actually witnessed) that he called to have them come out to help.  He loved that mower, and when he could not remember how it ran or where he placed the key, we knew that he was really slipping.

Another symptom that we (mostly my Mom) began to notice was that his balance was not very good.  Many times he would come close to falling, but would catch himself by grabbing ahold of furniture or whatever was close.  He started to walk with a shuffle, not lifting his feet....which made it even more difficult to maneuver throughout the house.  Then he began to stumble in other places, such as outside in the yard.  Several times he would have a bruise or cut due to a tumble outside.  Early last spring he missed a step going down their front porch and fell to the ground.  My Dad is about 6'1" and weighs around 250 pounds.  Since my Mom is very small, she was struggling to try and help him up.  This is where living in a small town comes in handy....two young men who happened to be driving by at that same time, stopped their vehicle and ran to help get my Dad back up.  Luckily, he was not hurt by the fall, and my Mom did track down the two boys to thank them for helping.  On the Friday of Memorial Day weekend, my Mom received a call from my Dad while she was at work.  She asked him if he needed her for something, and he said no.  When she arrived home 20 minutes later, she found him on the living room floor where he had fallen.  She was afraid to try and get him up by herself, so she called the ambulance.  Dad spent a week in the hospital as they ran some tests and evaluated him.  The doctor suspected that he had suffered a stroke and ordered an MRI.  Due to him being somewhat claustrophobic, they had decided to sedate him before the MRI.  Even with some sedation, Dad became too agitated and they didn't get the MRI done to check for damage from stroke.  While he was in the hospital, he became extremely disoriented.  One morning he told us that he had slept in the bowling alley....it had been extremely noisy!  Another night he claimed that he had slept in a stock trailer.  He had delusions and was clearly confused about where he was.  The doctors left it up to my Mom to decide what she wanted to do for him.  She could take him home and continue to care for him, or the doctor would arrange for him to go to a nursing home.  It was an agonizing decision for my Mom, but she wasn't ready to have someone else take care of him yet.

Here is Dad trying out his new lift chair.  He came home from the hospital with the lift chair and a walker.  Dad didn't like to use the walker...said he didn't need it.  And the lift chair was never really used to actually help him stand up...but he seemed to enjoy having a chair with another remote! And yes....he had trouble with that remote as well!  Thank you for continuing on this journey for another week. For the next installment I will talk about the final straw that sent him to the nursing home, plus give some background information on the different types of Dementia.

Life With Dad:Laughing Through Dementia: Life With Dad: A "Unique" Man....

Life With Dad:Laughing Through Dementia: Life With Dad: A "Unique" Man....: I would like to give some background information on my Dad and tell you a little about his life prior to his big "change".  In this blog...

Life With Dad: A "Unique" Man....

I would like to give some background information on my Dad and tell you a little about his life prior to his big "change".  In this blog, I will tell you about what he was like BEFORE the Dementia started to alter his personality.  Dad was the only child born to my grandparents, and he was raised on a farm south of town.  He graduated from high school and continued to farm with his Dad. He has had a few different jobs throughout the years, such as working at a gas station in Barnard for many years.  We were still living on the farm where he was raised, and he also took care of the land for his mother. After a disagreement with his mother, we moved to town and he started working for the city at the Power Plant.  Eventually he retired (Easy Street!!) and enjoyed doing woodworking in the garage.

This is where it all began....the humble beginnings of "Wayne's World".  Dad's garage workshop area became his favorite hangout and people would stop by to shoot the breeze or to order a woodworking project from him.  I am not sure how many projects he has made over the years, but people will tell me that they STILL have some frame or wooden piece that he had made for them.  It was a hobby that he loved to do.

He would make shelves, plaques, clocks, coat racks, and just about anything that was requested....if it could be made out of wood, he could make it. Usually my Mom would then do the painting that was needed.

This is a chair that is still in the kitchen at their house.  Dad made it for people to sit on while they talked on the telephone (even though it drove him crazy for anyone to talk on the phone for more than five minutes).  It has been around for a very long time.

I know that he made several wooden signs for families.  He would accept any challenge when it came to making items out of wood.  It was a hobby that kept him busy and also provided him the chance to visit with people.  Unfortunately, Dad had to give up his woodworking days due to years of cigarette smoking, and then breathing wood dust in the garage.  He was diagnosed with COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease) and was no longer allowed to work around the wood dust. Dad had stopped smoking several years before, but the damage had already occurred to his lungs.

Before he retired, Dad and Mom enjoyed taking many trips to see the United States.  They would usually go with another couple and would always drive in order to see the country.  He really loved the mountains and national parks.  I believe that they eventually traveled to every state except for Alaska and Hawaii (he did not want to travel by plane).  Another love was that of taking care of the vast lawn on their property....and that included his garden.

Here he is with his son-in-law, Nick, and his son, Jim, standing next to the giant sunflowers that he loved to grow.  He was always amazed at the height that the sunflowers would grow to.  He also tended a garden that produced delicious tomatoes as well.

He was very meticulous about mowing his lawn with his riding mower.  He would not let just anyone drive his prized mower!  Dad was very particular about how to care for the yard, setting a watering schedule, as well as a mowing schedule.  Sadly, that was the last set of keys that he had to relinquish (and not very willingly!).  The other part of his life that Dad loved.....

....his family. Here he is with my sister, Robin.  This picture shows his facial expression before the onset of Dementia.

This one is with his great-grandson, Gavin.  Dad loved to make the little ones laugh and smile.

He also attended many activities for his grandkids.  This was when my son Shayne graduated from Kindergarten.  Dad was always very proud of his grandchildren's accomplishments.  He has always displayed a terrific sense of humor.  He loved to pull practical jokes on people and had many humorous sayings.  One of my classmates was the brunt of his woodworking and joking abilities.....he would make signs out of wood that he had engraved the nickname of this guy on.....and then he would have family members drive by and throw the wooden pieces in this guy's yard (my own kids thought that this was great fun to do....sorry, Rick)!  It was a continual joke cycle between these two.  Dad also enjoyed tormenting the local postal delivery workers....planting a rubber snake or fake spider in his mailbox periodically and sitting on the porch to watch her jump when she opened the box!  There were also many interesting and/or risque pieces in his workshop.  Suffice it to say that one would consider my Dad to be.....to use one of his favorite words...."unique".

This was his last Father's Day celebrated at home.  I wanted to give you a glimpse of what my Dad was like originally.  In the next installment, I will share with you what we noticed and experienced with my Dad before he was placed in the nursing home.  Thank you for coming along on this journey.

Life With Dad:Laughing Through Dementia: Life With Dad....A Journey With Dementia

Life With Dad:Laughing Through Dementia: Life With Dad....A Journey With Dementia: I am inviting you along on a journey with me and my family.  Let me warn you up front: you may end up shedding tears out of compassio...

Life With Dad....A Journey With Dementia

I am inviting you along on a journey with me and my family.  Let me warn you up front: you may end up shedding tears out of compassion at some points, while wiping away tears from laughter at other times.  It will be full of turns and twists that will feel like a roller coaster ride, much like the "ride" that we have been on for the past two or three years....it is that of Dementia with my Dad.  This seems to be a part of life for so many families these days.  Above is a picture of Dad in one of his favorite places to sit (other than his comfy recliner) while he was still at home....his front porch, watching all of the action in the only hometown he has ever known. Here he is wearing his usual outfit....a pair of overalls, with some Mardi Gras beads that we brought back for him from Louisiana this spring.  He has become almost child-like as the Dementia has progressed.

The front porch was one of his favorite places to hang out, weather permitting.  From this perch, he could watch the traffic go by.....pointing out when a vehicle needed to slow down or pause longer at the stop sign, and usually tossing out a wave to those who looked his way. He could also watch the many birds and squirrels who made their home in the yard that he has meticulously cared for since we moved into this big, gray two-story house. When this picture was taken, Dad may have already suffered a few mini strokes, but he was still being cared for at home.

Oh yeah....this is me with my siblings when we were younger and still lived on the farm.  I am the youngest of five kids (the baby as I was referred to for most of my life).  We moved off of the farm in 1971, and became "city-dwellers".  So many wonderful memories of growing up on that farm....oh the adventures that we had!  The order is as follows: sisters Robin and Natalie, brothers Jim and Steve (Stub), and of course, me.  Sadly, my brother Stub (Steve) is no longer with us.  He passed away in 2003.

And this is my amazing Mom (who is shown here trying to corral my also amazing grandson, Tavian).  I want to share this blog with people for many reasons, one of which is to demonstrate how unbelievably strong that my Mom has been throughout this whole process.  She is a rock. She has been making most of the decisions for her and my Dad for several years now....while still allowing my Dad to think that he was a part of those decisions.  Many days she was frustrated and even angry, but through it all, she has been willing to do what she felt was in my Dad's best interest.  Another goal of this blog is an attempt to guide others who find themselves in the topsy-turvy terrain of Dementia.  My goal is simple: by sharing what we have been through thus far....and as we continue to deal with the adjustments that our family is struggling with, hopefully others can learn how to deal with their loved one who may be in the same state of mind.

This was the day that we moved my Dad into a nursing home facility.  He is holding their dog, Punky, as he sits in his new room.  My Dad has always had a very unique sense of humor, and it has served him quite well in his current situation.  Throughout this blog, I will share some funny stories and sayings that my Dad has provided us with....which has put a smile on not only our faces, but those who are around him.  I will also share helpful tips for families who are facing this same disease with a loved one.  Although we have shed many tears in the past few years, we have also had many opportunities for laughter.  I want to make it perfectly clear that I am in no way belittling or trivializing Dementia or Alzheimer's patients and the confusion and/or pain that confronts every member of the family.  My hope is that I can give advice and insight into how to deal effectively with your confused loved one, so that everyone involved will make it through this difficult journey.  I know that my Dad would be thrilled if he knew he was helping someone else out....and he'd be even more tickled if he could bring a smile to their face.  Are you ready?